#EmbraceYourJourney
Autumn Self-Care
Giving thanks can make you happier
Each holiday season comes with high expectations for a cozy and festive time of year. However, for many this time of year is tinged with sadness, anxiety, or depression. Certainly, major depression or a severe anxiety disorder benefits most from professional help. But what about those who just feel lost or overwhelmed or down at this time of year? Research (and common sense) suggests that one aspect of the Thanksgiving season can actually lift the spirits, and it's built right into the holiday — being grateful.
The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness (depending on the context). In some ways, gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, being grateful also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.
In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.
People feel and express gratitude in multiple ways. They can apply it to the past (retrieving positive memories and being thankful for elements of childhood or past blessings), the present (not taking good fortune for granted as it comes), and the future (maintaining a hopeful and optimistic attitude). Regardless of the inherent or current level of someone's gratitude, it's a quality that individuals can successfully cultivate further.
Research on gratitude
Two psychologists, Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have done much of the research on gratitude. In one study, they asked all participants to write a few sentences each week, focusing on particular topics.
One group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on them being positive or negative). After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.
Another leading researcher in this field, Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people, each compared with a control assignment of writing about early memories. When their week's assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately exhibited a huge increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month.
Of course, studies such as this one cannot prove cause and effect. But most of the studies published on this topic support an association between gratitude and an individual's well-being.
Other studies have looked at how being grateful can improve relationships. For example, a study of couples found that individuals who took time to express gratitude for their partner not only felt more positive toward the other person, but also felt more comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship.
Managers who remember to say "thank you" to people who work for them may find that those employees feel motivated to work harder. Researchers at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania randomly divided university fundraisers into two groups. One group made phone calls to solicit alumni donations in the same way they always had. The second group — assigned to work on a different day — received a pep talk from the director of annual giving, who told the fundraisers she was grateful for their efforts. During the following week, the university employees who heard her message of gratitude made 50% more fundraising calls than those who did not.
There are some notable exceptions to the generally positive results in research on gratitude. One study found that middle-aged divorced women who kept gratitude journals were no more satisfied with their lives than those who did not. Another study found that children and adolescents who wrote and delivered a thank-you letter to someone who had made a difference in their lives may have made the other person happier — but did not improve their own well-being. This finding suggests that gratitude is an attainment associated with emotional maturity.
Ways to cultivate gratitude
Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have, instead of always reaching for something new in the hope it will make them happier, or thinking they can't feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice.
Here are some ways to cultivate gratitude on a regular basis.
Write a thank-you note. You can make yourself happier and nurture your relationship with another person by writing a thank-you letter or email expressing your enjoyment and appreciation of that person's impact on your life. Send it, or better yet, deliver and read it in person if possible. Make a habit of sending at least one gratitude letter a month. Once in a while, write one to yourself.
Thank someone mentally. No time to write? It may help just to think about someone who has done something nice for you, and mentally thank the individual.
Keep a gratitude journal. Make it a habit to write down or share with a loved one thoughts about the gifts you've received each day.
Count your blessings. Pick a time every week to sit down and write about your blessings — reflecting on what went right or what you are grateful for. Sometimes it helps to pick a number — such as three to five things — that you will identify each week. As you write, be specific and think about the sensations you felt when something good happened to you.
Pray. People who are religious can use prayer to cultivate gratitude.
Meditate. Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. Although people often focus on a word or phrase (such as "peace"), it is also possible to focus on what you're grateful for (the warmth of the sun, a pleasant sound, etc.).
Grounding Technique
Ever felt so stressed you didn’t know what to do next? Try talking to your 'parts'
Have you ever felt so anxious in a tough situation that you didn’t know what to do next? That’s how Seth Kopald felt during his divorce. He worried that he’d lose connection with his kids.
“How much time will I have with them?” he recalls thinking. Would they be OK, he wondered. One night, as he was driving home, he struggled to catch his breath as panic took over. He pulled over to the side of the road, recognizing he needed help.
His therapist turned him onto an approach he’d never heard of called Internal Family Systems, or IFS, and recommended a book to get him started, written by its founder Richard Schwartz. “It was life-changing,” Kopald says.
At the center of IFS — sometimes called “parts work” — is the idea that each of us has multiple parts, kind of like sub-personalities. Getting to know them and treating them with compassion may help us manage our lives and our stress better, Schwartz writes in his book No Bad Parts.
Schwartz came up with the idea for IFS more than 40 years ago when he was a family therapist treating adolescents with bulimia. His patients told him about different parts of themselves that were interfering with their treatment, like “the critic” who would make them feel worthless and alone.
As the scientist in him mulled this over, he also looked inward. “I noticed them in myself. Oh my God, I’ve got them too,” he recalls.
The premise of the IFS model is that our minds are not one-dimensional. “We’re all multiple,” Schwartz says. We all have multiple perspectives within — for example, people often identify an inner critic, worrier, or striver. And some parts tend to dominate our lives, while others are more hidden. IFS teaches a process to embrace all your parts, bring them into balance and find a sense of wholeness.
Parts work has exploded in popularity recently — with a growing number of books, apps and social media accounts highlighting the system. There are now more than 6,000 IFS-certified therapists and practitioners.
IFS is used by therapists working on a range of issues, from couples therapy, to coping with the death of a loved one, or other traumas.
Some therapists say the popularity has gotten ahead of the evidence base and are calling for more research. There are several small studies showing IFS can benefit people with specific problems, including symptoms of PTSD and stress; the pain, discomfort and depression from living with rheumatoid arthritis; and depression. And more studies are underway.
For Seth Kopald, parts work was key to taming his anxiety, as he began to recognize that it stemmed from fears of feeling unloved in childhood.
With IFS, he could now acknowledge the hurt child within, and begin to unburden from the pain and shame.
“There’s a big difference between, ‘I am the anxiety and fear versus I am here with the fear, I’m here with the anxiety,’” he says. And in that realization his natural state of “confidence, courage and compassion” resurfaced. “It's almost like I have a new operating system now,” Kopald says.
So, if you’re dealing with stress — around relationships, tragedy, or any life challenge — you may want to learn more about parts work. Here are highlights of how the IFS process works.
1. Quiet your mind and look within
One way to begin to get to know your parts is to listen.
Sit still, as if you were about to meditate and notice any bodily sensations that arise. Do you feel a sore neck, a tight chest, sick to your stomach? Do you see scenes or images from the past? What comes up first are parts that may need your attention. Focus on one sensation or image — tune in and ask it what it wants you to know.
When Seth Kopald tried this, he sensed a nervousness throughout his body and he saw images from old movies in his mind — scenes of bad divorces, couples fighting over kids. He was getting in touch with a worrier part that was dominating his life at the time.
2. Start a dialogue with your parts
In IFS, the rule is that none of our parts are bad. Each of them can give us useful information.
Kopald started to realize that his worry and anxiety were what IFS calls “protector” parts, which help us get through tough situations. “They were trying to make me do something — to figure out a solution to help my kids,” he says.
But these parts were causing so much anxiety, he was stuck.
The worrier was telling him “do something.” Then there was a critic questioning what he'd done to contribute to the bad situation. And another part was jumping in to try to numb him from the pain.
These multiple parts were teaming up, a pattern that can happen to many of us in moments of crisis. It’s like noisy instruments playing out of tune, Kopald says, citing a metaphor frequently used in IFS.
If you find yourself overwhelmed by a cacophony, try to start a dialogue with your parts: What do you want me to know? What do you want to show me?
And the more you learn to work with your parts, you can start to become the leader, or the conductor, Kopald says, bringing up each instrument in harmony.
3. Take some space
IFS teaches you to “separate” from the noise of these competing parts. Kopald recalls the moment he started to get some perspective on his anxiety about his kids, by seeing it as just one part.
“When it really hit me that the anxiety I'd been feeling was one aspect of me, but not all of me, I felt this calm come over me,” he says.
This was the beginning of a breakthrough for him.
If you want to try this, ask your noisy part: “Can you give me some space so we can talk?” For Kopald, instead of feeling like he was that scared, anxious kid, he got to the place where he felt he was sitting with that kid, helping to comfort him.
. Get in touch with pain from childhood
IFS teaches that we all have exile parts, which hold onto hurtful memories, many from childhood. Since it’s easier to bury negative feelings than deal with them, these exiles — as the name suggests — can stay locked deep within.
IFS founder Dick Schwartz says the exile parts can get triggered in times of difficulty. But he says, “these are often our most sensitive and loving parts.”
As a kid, Schwartz struggled in school, which frustrated his father — a prominent physician and researcher. “So he piled on a lot of shame,” Schwartz says. He could recall his father saying things like, “Dicky, you’re good for nothing,” and the hurt was buried deep within.
He allowed himself to relive those experiences from childhood. “I could actually enter that scene and be with” the hurt boy, Schwartz says. In doing so he could feel the mistrust and fear and shame lifting, what IFS calls “an unburdening.”
For Schwartz this opened up a playful inner child. “That was lacking in my life back before I actually unburdened that part,” he says.
This part can be tricky to do alone. Exiles will sometimes take you back to painful scenes, and show you traumatic memories. Kopald says if you feel the pain of an exile arise, you can say: “I know you’re there – I’m not pushing you away.” You can ask it to share its story, and if this gets too intense, you may want to contact an IFS therapist.
5. Take a U-turn
Kopald says his life is much better now. He has a loving relationship with his children and he’s remarried. Now an IFS-certified practitioner, he's written a book on IFS, Self-Led: Living a Connected Life With Yourself and With Others. But, he still has moments when life is very stressful or throws too much at him. When this happens, he uses a technique called a U-Turn. The U-turn is an exercise to gain perspective.
If you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk — or you are feeling like everything is falling apart, take a moment to notice what’s happening inside, look inward. Kopald says he’ll ask himself: “Wait a minute, who’s taking me over right now?”
In other words, you observe which part inside you is triggering your anxiety, fear or negativity. And then you can tell it, “Hey, I got it. Can you just trust me to be here?” Kopald says.
6. Uncover the light within
When you’re no longer dominated by the cacophony of parts, then your true self can emerge, according to IFS.
In IFS, Self is the parent or leader of your system, offering love and protection to all your parts.
Seth says you can think of Self as the sun, which is often covered by clouds, i.e., your parts. Remember the sun is always in its full power, even on a cloudy day. So Kopald says, like clouds parting, we can “remove the things that block our light.”
For Kopald, this has made a big difference. “I tend to live more in the light of myself," he says. And he feels more clarity, compassion, creativity and calm.
#selfcare
5 Easy Ways To Ease Anxiety On Halloween
People suffering from anxiety can be easily triggered by specific Halloween traditions such as Trick or Treating. Read this post for tips on easing anxiety on Halloween.
I love Halloween. However, plenty of friends hate Halloween because it’s a source of anxiety for them. From triggering haunted house screams to children constantly ringing their doorbells, Halloween can easily provoke automated negative emotional responses that lead to stress.
Many adults and younger children experience heightened anxiety levels during Halloween. First-time trick-or-treaters may be nervous about people’s reactions to their costumes or bumping into scary, horrific costumes. In addition, adults experiencing symptoms of PTSD may feel stressed not knowing who’s under the costume or have a traumatic flashback.
Feeling anxious is normal, especially around this time of year. So, here are five ways you can ease anxiety around Halloween.
How To Ease Anxiety On Halloween
Remember That You Don’t Have To Answer The Door
There’s a lot of pressure for adults to hand out candy on Halloween. However, you don’t have to participate in this tradition. If you’ve experienced a traumatic event or have extreme social anxiety, don’t participate in handing out candy, as it may impact your general mental health. There are plenty of ways to celebrate Halloween and engage the children without doing so.
For example, you may leave a massive bowl of wrapped candy outside your door and allow children to pick it out themselves. You could also delegate this Halloween task to someone else in the family. Remember to also have some safety measures in place in case of emergency.
Set Some Ground Rules
If you’re prone to anxiety or nervousness around Halloween, you must set some ground rules. First, take some time to think about how you want to celebrate this year and what needs to be done for you to feel comfortable and safe. Then, set rules about costumes, answering the door, and anything else that may trigger your anxiety. Some standard ground rules for celebrating Halloween are:
No one travels alone.
Everyone needs to check in with each other every XYZ hour or time.
There needs to be at least one utterly sober person.
Don’t answer the door for anyone without a parent.
Have some emergency safety measures in place.
Don’t Be Hard On Yourself
It’s okay to experience anxiety or fear around Halloween. It happens. Learn to recognize these emotions and find healthy coping mechanisms for managing them. Don’t punish yourself for not wanting to celebrate or being in the spirit of Halloween. It will not make you feel better. Instead, allow yourself to feel these emotions and be mindful of how they affect you.
Make Sure To Take Care Of Yourself
One of the most important things you can do to ease your anxiety around Halloween is to practice self-care. Halloween challenges you to challenge yourself mentally and physically in ways that you usually wouldn’t. Practicing some Halloween self-care will help you check in with yourself and ensure you’re feeling okay. In addition, Halloween is the perfect holiday for having fun, doing something crazy, and treating yourself to anything silly that will make you feel happy.
Take A Break From Halloween
If Halloween is causing too much stress and anxiety, take a step back from it this year. It’s okay not to dress up, hand out candy, or do anything Halloween-related. October 31st is still an average day, and you can treat Halloween as that. Do nothing and participate in your usual daily routines. Taking a break from Halloween will help you not feel pressured into participating in the holiday’s yearly traditions.
Final Thoughts
Fear and anxiety are natural responses from the brain against perceived danger and threats. Developing healthy coping mechanisms and understanding your anxiety will help you better navigate Halloween and other holidays.
Mental health doesn’t have to be scary! Let’s break the stigma together and create a safe space for open conversations. #MentalHealthMatters #BreakTheStigma"
How you talk to yourself matters!
Your anxiety doesn't define you!
Self-Care in the Fall: Why It’s Important for Your Mental Health
The leaves are changing, the air is getting cooler, and all things pumpkin spice are starting to appear everywhere. It can only mean one thing: fall is here! This time of year is a time for reflection and self-care for many people. The holidays are quickly approaching, and it’s important to take time for yourself before things get too crazy. In this blog post, we will discuss the importance of taking care of your mental health, self-care, and provide some tips on how you can implement it into your life!
The importance of self-care
As the weather gets cooler and the days get shorter, it can be easy to let self-care fall by the wayside. However, taking care of yourself is just as important in the fall as at any other time of year.
One reason self-care is so important in the fall is that it can help boost your immune system. When you’re feeling run down, it’s harder for your body to fight off colds and flu. So make sure to get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly.
Another reason to focus on self-care in the fall is that it can help to alleviate seasonal affective disorder (SAD). SAD is a type of depression often triggered by the shorter days and reduced sunlight of autumn and winter. To help combat SAD, make sure to get outside every day, even if it’s just for a short walk.
And finally, self-care can help you to enjoy the fall season more. When taking care of yourself, you’re more likely to have the energy and enthusiasm to enjoy all that autumn offers. So don’t wait until spring to start taking care of yourself. Start practicing self-care today!
Tips to help you get started with self-care
Self-care is a catch-all term for many activities, from getting enough sleep to taking time for a hobby. However, the one thing all self-care activities have in common is that they help you to nurture your physical, mental, and emotional health. If you’re new to the world of self-care, here are a few tips to help you get started:
1. Set aside some time each day for yourself. Even just 10-15 minutes can make a big difference. Use this time to do something that makes you happy and relaxed, whether reading, taking a walk, or listening to music.
2. Make healthy choices that make you feel good. This could include eating nutritious meals, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and spending time in nature.
3. Be mindful of your thoughts and emotions. Pay attention to how you’re feeling mentally and physically, and take steps to improve your well-being if necessary. This might involve seeking professional help if you’re struggling with your mental health.
4. Do something nice for yourself every day. Whether buying yourself a new book, taking a relaxing bath, or just taking some time out to enjoy your hobbies, make sure to schedule some ME time on a regular basis.
Self-care is all about taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally. You can reap the benefits of increased happiness and reduced stress levels by making small changes in your daily routine.
Ideas for fall-themed self-care
There’s no denying that fall is a busy time of year. It can be tough to find time for yourself, but self-care is important, and there are plenty of ways to fit it into your autumn schedule. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Get outside. Autumn is a great time to go for a hike, go apple picking, or just take a walk in the park. Being in nature can help to clear your mind and boost your mood.
Get cozy. Take some time to relax at home with a cozy blanket, a cup of your favorite hot beverage, a good book, or a good movie.
Connect with friends. Fall is the perfect time to catch up with friends over coffee or dinner. Spending time with people you care about can help reduce stress and improve your overall sense of well-being.
Give back. There’s nothing like helping others to make you feel good about yourself. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate clothes to a local thrift store, or simply offer to help a friend in need.
Be mindful. One of the best ways to reduce stress is to practice mindfulness. This can be as simple as taking a few deep breaths before you start your day or spending a few minutes meditating before bedtime.
Monitor your mental health. Many people who suffer from SAD don’t realize it because it can come on gradually. Keep a mood tracker or journal, and if you start to experience symptoms of depression or anxiety that are affecting your ability to carry out day-to-day tasks, be sure to reach out to a therapist.
Why therapy is a form of self-care
Many people see therapy as a last resort, only to be considered when they’re in crisis. But this isn’t accurate. Instead, therapy is a form of self-care that can be helpful even when things are going well. It’s a chance to step back from your busy life, check in with yourself, reflect on your thoughts and feelings, and figure out what’s really happening.
It’s an opportunity to set aside some time each week to focus on your mental and emotional health. And it’s a chance to develop deeper insight into yourself, leading to more satisfying relationships and better decision-making.
By taking the time to address your own needs, you’re ensuring that you’re in a better position to take care of those around you. When you’re dealing with your own stress and anxiety, it’s difficult to be present for others.
Therapy can help you to process these emotions in a healthy way so that you can be more available to the people in your life. In addition, therapy can also provide you with tools to deal with difficult situations in the future. By taking care of yourself, you’re actually making it possible to be there for others in a more meaningful way.
Therapy is an investment in your well-being and can pay off in many ways. So if you’re feeling good, don’t wait until you’re struggling to give it a try. Find a therapist near you and get connected.
How to keep up your self-care routine during the busy holiday season
With fall comes the start of the holiday season, which can get quite chaotic. With all the shopping, cooking, and parties, it’s easy to let your self-care routine slide. But this is the time of year when you need it the most! Here are a few tips to help you keep up your self-care routine during the holidays:
1. Make time for yourself. Whether it’s a quick jog in the morning or a relaxing bath at night, carve out some time each day to do something just for you.
2. Keep up with your healthy eating habits. It’s easy to indulge during the holidays, but try to focus on healthy foods that will give you energy and help you avoid getting sick.
3. Get enough sleep. This can be tough during the busy holiday season, but try to stick to a regular sleep schedule as much as possible.
4. Take some time to relax and de-stress. With all the hustle and bustle, taking a few minutes each day to just breathe and clear your mind is important.
If you are considering making therapy part of your self-care routine or experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression, don’t wait to get help.
