How this kind of harassment can have harmful ripple effects on your body and mind.
UNTIL THE last presidential election and the rise of the #MeToo movement, people often thought of bullying almost exclusively as kid stuff, not something mature adults engage in. How wrong we were! It turns out that adults are being bullied at rates that rival what kids experience: In an online survey of more than 2,000 adults across the U.S., conducted on behalf of the American Osteopathic Association in October, 31 percent of respondents said they’ve been bullied as adults, and 43 percent believe that bullying behavior has become more accepted in the past year.
As upsetting as being bullied is at any given moment, what’s worse is it can have a significant impact on your physical and emotional health, leading to sleep loss, headaches, muscle pain, anxiety and depression, or frequent sick days, according to the AOA poll. “There can be significant, long-term detrimental effects,” notes Dr. Charles Sophy, an osteopathic psychiatrist in private practice and medical director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. Over time, “the stress from bullying can trickle into thyroid problems, gastrointestinal problems, elevated blood pressure, mood disorders, self-harming behavior and eating disorders,” among other health conditions. In fact, a study in the November 2015 issue of the American Journal of Public Health found that victims of workplace bullying have double the risk of experiencing suicidal ideation over the subsequent five years.
Whether it occurs at work, at the gym, sporting venues, in the community or elsewhere, bullying – defined by the American Psychological Association as “aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort” – typically involves a real or perceived power imbalance. Among adults, bullying can take more subtle forms than it does with kids: Rather than threatening to beat someone up or calling someone nasty names, the adult brand of bullying can include political backstabbing, the silent treatment, publicly belittling or humiliating someone, social ostracism or undermining him or her.
In 2011, Tracy Lamourie and her husband experienced an onslaught of social bullying after they stood up for a lesbian couple’s right to publicly display affection; the couple had been asked to leave a coffee shop in a small conservative town in Canada after a pastor complained about their kiss. The personal moment mushroomed into a community-wide controversy after the couple requested an apology from the shop’s owner and didn’t get one. A “Kiss In” demonstration was organized, and Lamourie, a publicist, wrote a press release that attracted local and national attention from TV stations and newspapers.
When the demonstration sparked community uproar, Lamourie and her husband became targets of bullying. “It was suddenly not only cool to hate us in person and on Facebook, but people turned on us in a giant way and it got to the point where we started to expect a rock [to be hurled] through our front window,” says Lamourie, now 48. “I was depressed and angry – it was so overwhelming [that] we literally made the decision to pack up our family and walk away from the home we loved.” The couple moved with their son to a Toronto suburb.
A Climate of Fear and Loathing
When it happens at work, being bullied also can affect your ability to focus and function effectively. “It can lead to a toxic environment where the victims are unable to concentrate because they are focused on self-preservation,” says psychologist Kenneth Yeager, director of the Stress Trauma and Resilience program at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center in Columbus. “Bullies target people who pose a threat to them in the workplace. They will frequently target someone who is smart, competent and well-liked. After the bullying is done, the target will be less confident and may feel inadequate.”
Jon Salas once worked for a manager who was a master at belittling people – “she made just about everyone in the office cry at some point, and she fostered a sense of paranoia,” recalls Salas, 29, a publicist in Boston. Feeling constantly anxious and on edge, Salas often woke up at 2 a.m., “thinking about work and how I would handle my confrontation when it was my turn,” he recalls. “I would fall asleep after an hour or two and wake up exhausted when my alarm went off. The effects of workplace abuse wear on you physically and emotionally.”
Bullying can even have harmful ripple effects among bystanders who aren’t on the receiving end because “watching it is a vicarious trauma,” Sophy says. Research in a 2013 issue of the International Archives of Occupational and Environmental Health found that even witnessing workplace bullying is associated with an increased risk of developing depressive symptomsover the subsequent 18 months.
Coping Cues
Since dealing with a bully can take a toll on various levels, it’s smart to take care of yourself in multiple ways, too. For starters, it’s important to call it what it is – to acknowledge that you’re being bullied, in other words. Some people might not immediately admit they're being bullied because they're reluctant to see themselves as victims or they question their perception of what's going on. Recognizing bullying as it’s happening can provide some comfort by validating your feelings and assuring you that the negative dynamic isn’t imagined.
“Don’t think that bullying isn’t affecting you because it is unconsciously, especially if you have underlying health problems,” Sophy says. You may want to see a therapist to help you cope with the fallout and get checked out by your primary care physician if you have symptoms – such as sleep problems or pain conditions – that are triggered by the stress of bullying, Sophy says. It’s also important to practice good self-care – by eating well, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep and engaging in stress-relieving activities such as meditation, yoga or journal writing.
At work, try to limit your exposure to a bully, Sophy suggests. As they occur, keep an inventory of the bullying behaviors to help you develop a plan for confronting the perpetrator or formalizing a complaint if you decide to go that route. When a bully does come after you, “don't react to the attack – bullies live for the reaction,” Yeager says. “It’s reinforcing and enables the bully. Instead, listen carefully and respond as the voice of reason.”
Between outbursts, do your best to stay focused on getting your work done and maintaining your productivity. Engage in positive self-talk to try to bolster your spirits and self-confidence – “don’t give the bully free rent in your head,” Yeager warns – and turn to trusted co-workers for mutual support. “We all have a part in stopping bullies, so if a peer is being bullied, be their support,” Yeager advises. “If you are being bullied, find support” from co-workers. Sometimes the best way to buffer a bully’s impact is to try to get by with a little help from your friends and colleagues.