Reminders For This Week
Maslows Hierarchy of Need
Positivi-Tea
7 Tips for Coping With Stressful Transitions in Life
Change is a universal constant – our world is built on it. Nature changes with the seasons, civilizations develop and grow with new discoveries and advancements, and human beings, biologically, are designed to change throughout their life. Change is fundamental to our existence, and yet, we often spend a considerable amount of time either avoiding it or stressing about it.
April is Stress Awareness Month. It’s also a time when major changes are just around the corner: graduations will soon take place and the busy season for weddings is only weeks away. Other life transitions that may bring disruption or confusion are:
returning to in-person work environments
the birth of a child
beginning a new school year
moving to a new area
changes in relationships –– break-ups or divorce
children growing up –– empty nest
retirement
Whether change is good or bad, wanted or unwanted, planned or unplanned, it still can be stressful. So, in time for Stress Awareness Month – and every season of change – we’re sharing tips for coping with transitions in life.
Tips for Coping with Transitions:
Preparation is key. You can prepare both in your mind and in practice. First, understand that life transitions can be difficult and confusing, bringing a range of emotions from excitement to disappointment to fear. You can prepare your mind by journaling, writing down your feelings and thoughts. Then you can also plan practically, mapping out your transition as best you can.
For instance, if you’re moving, there is a list of things you’ll have to do, from packing to hiring movers to changing addresses to turning off and setting up utilities. Putting a plan to paper can also help sort out what you actually need to do – while sorting your mind as well.
There are always changes that you don’t expect, like the death of a loved one or the loss of a job, but once the change is set in motion, planning your next steps goes a long way toward coping with it.
Set small goals. Part of creating a transition plan should be setting small goals for yourself. Be realistic. Don’t set unattainable expectations for yourself or the process.
Establishing small goals not only helps the planning phase but grants personal rewards for every goal that you accomplish. Once you’ve conquered one objective you’ll know that you are capable – and that makes your next goal easier to accomplish.
Set a routine. Establishing routines can instill some consistency in the midst of change. Creating a morning and evening routine – with realistic expectations – can help reduce the stress of everything else that is in motion around you.
Practice self-care. Make sure you integrate a healthy, balanced diet and adequate sleep into your routine. Exercise is also a great way to reduce stress. You should, however, allow yourself to relax and take it easy. Make sure you give yourself time and space for your favorite activities and your favorite people.
Try relaxation techniques. Speaking of self-care, there are excellent relaxation methods that you can incorporate as well:
Meditation: Meditation has been practiced for thousands of years, and today is mostly applied for relieving stress and anxiety. It can give you a sense of peace, help you focus on the present, reduce negative emotions, and improve your patience.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: This technique helps by consciously building tension and then releasing it. Progressive muscle relaxation can also help with physical issues like stomach aches, headaches, and problems sleeping.
Breathing Techniques: Controlled breathing exercises are beneficial for relieving stress. There are a few different methods you can try like deep breathing, breath focus, and modified lion’s breath.
Art: If you enjoy creative arts, you’re in luck! Studies have shown that structured coloring (coloring a design vs. coloring on blank paper) reduces anxiety. Research also shows that music can reduce your cortisol levels and affect your heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing.
Yoga: Yoga combines exercise and meditation practices that positively impact your mind and body.
Connect with the good people in your life: Establish and maintain a support system. Usually, this will mean your closest friends and family, the people who love you and know you best. Your situation, however, may merit reaching out to a support group that focuses on helping people dealing with your particular transition. Ask for help when you need it.
Focus on the positive. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Think about your potential, the possibilities, or the payoffs that may come with this change. Remember a challenge that you overcame in the past. You can do it again!
Another way to focus on the positive is by practicing gratitude. Studies show that an attitude of thankfulness precipitates better mental health and a better quality of life. In our blog, “Adopting an Attitude of Gratitude: Why and How to Make Gratitude a Habit,” we give you some great tips on how (and why) to do this.
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” Steve Maraboli
What if….
So, what if the change you’re going through affects you or impacts you so dramatically that you’re struggling with setting reasonable expectations, practicing self-care, or focusing on the positive, and your friends’ support isn’t enough?
This is where counseling can help. You may even consider reaching out to a professional therapist in your preparation stage and integrating this within your support system. Counseling and cognitive behavior therapy can help guide you through transitions that are overwhelming and too difficult to handle on your own.
Remember, it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to feel that you can’t go it alone. Author Ken Blanchard said, “Asking for other’s guidance helps you see what you may not be able to see.” Successful people recognize when they need help…and ask for it.
Especially if you’re experiencing symptoms like depression, stomachaches, headaches, anxiety, sleep issues, and crying spells, seeking the care of a qualified therapist may be one of the smartest things you do as you navigate this life transition.
Morning Journaling Prompts
Physical Activity Is Good for the Mind and the Body
Everyone has their own way to “recharge” their sense of well-being — something that makes them feel good physically, emotionally, and spiritually even if they aren’t consciously aware of it. Personally, I know that few things can improve my day as quickly as a walk around the block or even just getting up from my desk and doing some push-ups. A hike through the woods is ideal when I can make it happen. But that’s me. It’s not simply that I enjoy these activities but also that they literally make me feel better and clear my mind.
Mental health and physical health are closely connected. No kidding — what’s good for the body is often good for the mind. Knowing what you can do physically that has this effect for you will change your day and your life.
Physical activity has many well-established mental health benefits. These are published in the Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans and include improved brain health and cognitive function (the ability to think, if you will), a reduced risk of anxiety and depression, and improved sleep and overall quality of life. Although not a cure-all, increasing physical activity directly contributes to improved mental health and better overall health and well-being.
Learning how to routinely manage stress and getting screened for depression are simply good prevention practices. Awareness is especially critical at this time of year when disruptions to healthy habits and choices can be more likely and more jarring. Shorter days and colder temperatures have a way of interrupting routines — as do the holidays, with both their joys and their stresses. When the plentiful sunshine and clear skies of temperate months give way to unpredictable weather, less daylight, and festive gatherings, it may happen unconsciously or seem natural to be distracted from being as physically active. However, that tendency is precisely why it’s so important that we are ever more mindful of our physical and emotional health — and how we can maintain both — during this time of year.
Roughly half of all people in the United States will be diagnosed with a mental health disorder at some point in their lifetime, with anxiety and anxiety disorders being the most common. Major depression, another of the most common mental health disorders, is also a leading cause of disability for middle-aged adults. Compounding all of this, mental health disorders like depression and anxiety can affect people’s ability to take part in health-promoting behaviors, including physical activity. In addition, physical health problems can contribute to mental health problems and make it harder for people to get treatment for mental health disorders.
The COVID-19 pandemic has brought the need to take care of our physical and emotional health to light even more so these past 2 years. Recently, the U.S. Surgeon General highlighted how the pandemic has exacerbated the mental health crisis in youth.
The good news is that even small amounts of physical activity can immediately reduce symptoms of anxiety in adults and older adults. Depression has also shown to be responsive to physical activity. Research suggests that increased physical activity, of any kind, can improve depression symptoms experienced by people across the lifespan. Engaging in regular physical activity has also been shown to reduce the risk of developing depression in children and adults.
Though the seasons and our life circumstances may change, our basic needs do not. Just as we shift from shorts to coats or fresh summer fruits and vegetables to heartier fall food choices, so too must we shift our seasonal approach to how we stay physically active. Some of that is simply adapting to conditions: bundling up for a walk, wearing the appropriate shoes, or playing in the snow with the kids instead of playing soccer in the grass.
Sometimes there’s a bit more creativity involved. Often this means finding ways to simplify activity or make it more accessible. For example, it may not be possible to get to the gym or even take a walk due to weather or any number of reasons. In those instances, other options include adding new types of movement — such as impromptu dance parties at home — or doing a few household chores (yes, it all counts as physical activity).
During the COVID-19 pandemic, I built a makeshift gym in my garage as an alternative to driving back and forth to the gym several miles from home. That has not only saved me time and money but also afforded me the opportunity to get 15 to 45 minutes of muscle-strengthening physical activity in at odd times of the day.
For more ideas on how to get active — on any day — or for help finding the motivation to get started, check out this Move Your Way® video.
The point to remember is that no matter the approach, the Physical Activity Guidelines recommend that adults get at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity (anything that gets your heart beating faster) each week and at least 2 days per week of muscle-strengthening activity (anything that makes your muscles work harder than usual). Youth need 60 minutes or more of physical activity each day. Preschool-aged children ages 3 to 5 years need to be active throughout the day — with adult caregivers encouraging active play — to enhance growth and development. Striving toward these goals and then continuing to get physical activity, in some shape or form, contributes to better health outcomes both immediately and over the long term.
For youth, sports offer additional avenues to more physical activity and improved mental health. Youth who participate in sports may enjoy psychosocial health benefits beyond the benefits they gain from other forms of leisure-time physical activity. Psychological health benefits include higher levels of perceived competence, confidence, and self-esteem — not to mention the benefits of team building, leadership, and resilience, which are important skills to apply on the field and throughout life. Research has also shown that youth sports participants have a reduced risk of suicide and suicidal thoughts and tendencies. Additionally, team sports participation during adolescence may lead to better mental health outcomes in adulthood (e.g., less anxiety and depression) for people exposed to adverse childhood experiences. In addition to the physical and mental health benefits, sports can be just plain fun.
Physical activity’s implications for significant positive effects on mental health and social well-being are enormous, impacting every facet of life. In fact, because of this national imperative, the presidential executive order that re-established the President’s Council on Sports, Fitness & Nutrition explicitly seeks to “expand national awareness of the importance of mental health as it pertains to physical fitness and nutrition.” While physical activity is not a substitute for mental health treatment when needed and it’s not the answer to certain mental health challenges, it does play a significant role in our emotional and cognitive well-being.
No matter how we choose to be active during the holiday season — or any season — every effort to move counts toward achieving recommended physical activity goals and will have positive impacts on both the mind and the body. Along with preventing diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, and the additional risks associated with these comorbidities, physical activity’s positive effect on mental health is yet another important reason to be active and Move Your Way.
As for me… I think it’s time for a walk. Happy and healthy holidays, everyone!
Yours in health,
Paul
Paul Reed, MD
Rear Admiral, U.S. Public Health Service
Deputy Assistant Secretary for Health
Director, Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion
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Making New Friends at Any Age. It's Easier Than it Seems
Making New Friends at Any Age. It's Easier Than it Seems
Friendships may be hard to make as we get older, but we still can.
Posted April 9, 2023 | F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W.
KEY POINTS
Making friends as we get older can be challenging.
Shifting your perspective on friendship can make it easier to make new friends as your life changes.
New relationships need time to develop into meaningful friendships.
You know that friendships are important. You probably have seen research showing that strong social connections can lower our risk of a variety of emotional and physical illnesses such as depression and high blood pressure. Yet research also shows that once you’re out of college, it becomes increasingly hard to make new friends.
But don't give up. It's actually not as hard as it seems to make new friends. It does, however, require a slight shift in perspective. And to make that shift, it's useful to understand the problem itself.
Why is it hard to make new friends as an adult?
The reasons are pretty basic. In college, there are lots of people your age all around you. You have a wide range of peers to choose from, and simple, straightforward ways to connect. When you graduate, you and your friends tend to go in different directions, but even when you stay in touch, it’s harder to find time to hang out or connect when you’re all taking on new jobs, a new apartment, new roommates, and new relationships.
Busy schedules also make it hard for adults to develop new friendships. You might have found some work buddies, but getting together for anything other than a drink after work is often complicated. You have other things going on in your life, and so do they. Personal relationships, children, and other commitments can interfere with the easy camaraderie of school friendships. My PT colleague Beverly Flaxington has written about this problem and has some great suggestions about what you can do about it.
But there’s something else going on, too.
One of the problems for many of us is our definition of friendship. Often, we think that friends should be soulmates. We’re looking for someone who understands us, who shares our values and ways of being in the world, who stimulates our thinking, joins us in having fun, and makes us feel better when we’re down. Most adult friendships, however, offer some, but not all of these functions.
Gary had been out of college for about five years. He had never felt like a particularly popular guy, but in college he’d had a group of friends that he did things with. Although they’d said they would stay in touch after graduation, it was hard, with their new jobs, new lives, and in some cases, new girl or boyfriends.
“I think of myself as an independent person,” he told me. “But I’m feeling really lonely these days. And it’s hard to find new friends.”
Gary had tried. He went out for a beer with someone from work and invited someone else to go to a hockey game with him.
“It was fine,” he said. “But it just seemed to end there. The guy who went with me to the hockey game invited me to go to another one. I did, and it was fun. But then another time I suggested we go to a movie, and he wasn’t interested. That’s not good. I’m looking for someone who I can do different things with.”
Different kinds of friends
I asked Gary if he preferred to stay home and feel lonely over going with this friend to sports events. He said that he liked being home, sometimes, but if he was lonely, he’d rather go with this guy. “So maybe he can be a friend for certain activities,” I said.
Gary was intrigued by that idea. “Are you saying that it could be good to have different kinds of friends?” he asked. “Like for different activities?”
It turned out that he already had some categories of new acquaintances. There was a woman at work who liked jazz, which Gary had been interested in for years. “She has a boyfriend who also likes that kind of music. Maybe they would go to concerts with me from time to time,” he said.
A tennis player, it hadn’t occurred to him that one of the people he frequently played against could also be a friend. “We don’t have a lot in common,” Gary said, “but we’re well-matched tennis opponents. And we talk sometimes between sets. I like him.”
As Gary broadened his definition of friendship, he also opened himself up to connecting with different kinds of people.
Changing expectations
As we go through different life stages, we often find that old friends are less available for a variety of reasons. Marjorie*, for instance, retired at the age of 65, but some of her friends were still working full-time and weren’t available to join her in her new, more relaxed life. She was still getting together with a group of friends for dinner or a glass of wine, but they couldn’t take a walk or go to the movies in the middle of the day.
She had always been a busy woman who was engaged in many different activities. Retirement gave her an opportunity to do more volunteer work, play tennis, take pilates more regularly, and read all of the books on her very long reading list. She also took a pottery class, which she enjoyed so much that she became a regular at the pottery studio.
One day she told me, “You know, the other day I realized that even though I’m not spending more time with my old friends, I’m never lonely. I’ve met all kinds of interesting people through my activities, and I go out for coffee or lunch with some of them on occasion. In the past, I don’t think I would have called these new acquaintances friends, because I don’t share deep thoughts or feelings with them, which is what I always expect to do with friends. But maybe I expect something different from friends these days.”
I asked Marjorie if she could explain what that might be. “I think I expect some friends to be able to share the deeper stuff with me,” she said after thinking for a few moments. “But I think other qualities can also be what makes a person a friend. Like enjoying an activity together or sharing ideas about future activities. We don’t always have to be talking about feelings, which is what I’ve usually expected. I realized that that kind of relationship takes time to develop. Maybe eventually some of these newer connections will deepen into what I have with my old friends, but it isn’t necessary.”
Changing both your definition and your expectations of friendship can make it easier to find and develop new relationships as you get older. Understanding that new friendships will have a different texture and quality from old ones, and giving new relationships time and space to develop, can make it easier to find new friends.
